Most of us spend an entire workday on email each week. Seriously. Microsoft tracked its business users and found that the average person spends close to nine hours per week on email.
You’d think we’d all be experts by now, and the words would just type themselves.
If only. Some emails are still really hard to write—and that includes politely asking for a professional favor.
You might have a little voice in your head deriding you: What if they say no? What if they’re too busy? Your voice might even be a catastrophizer: What if they ghost me and never speak to me again? These thoughts are normal, experts say.
“People are often afraid of asking for favors due to a fear of rejection or of appearing vulnerable,” says Rachel DeAlto, a communication and relatability expert and author of Relatable: How to Connect With Anyone, Anywhere (Even if it Scares You). However, you've got to remember that asking for help shows self-awareness and strength. “It allows colleagues to reciprocate your efforts and feel good about themselves in the process,” she adds.
In other words, the worst-case scenario rarely happens. Like any other professional request, it can actually bring you closer to the other person—so long as you go about it the right way.
Why it’s OK (and important) ask for help
Pop quiz: Would you rather work on a project with a know-it-all or the colleague who admits when they could use a hand? Pretty sure most of us would pick the latter.
When people ask for help, it gives us more faith in them, because we know they’re self-aware and putting the good of the project above keeping up the facade that they can do it all themselves.
“Fake it ’til you make it” only works if you make it. If you fall short, you’ve sunk time and money that could’ve been better allocated had you asked for some additional guidance, support, or whatever the favor would’ve been. Good leaders, smart managers, and valuable contacts all know this—they’ll be impressed with your initiative to reach out.
Can I ask for a professional favor over email?
Tone is harder to read in the absence of body language. That means if the ask is hard, complex, or could be misconstrued, email probably isn’t your best bet.
How do you know?
First, look at how many times you’ve rewritten it. If you keep moving sentences around to get the ask “just right,” odds are a phone call or in-person meeting would be better.
Second, think about the other person and their preferred medium. If they hate email but live on Slack, guess where you’re more likely to get their attention (and a yes)?
Third, remember that emails that can be forwarded. If your favor is, say, asking for advice on something private, email might not be the way. Schedule a call or meeting instead.
10 tips to politely ask for a favor
Now that you know when and why to ask for a favor professionally, let’s get to the how.
1. Give value before you ask
Molly Dare, founder of Hillenbrand Media, gives this as her #1 tip: “The highest likelihood of you receiving that favor is if you have supported that person—preferably multiple times—in the past.” Dare elaborates that you don’t have to over-complicate it: “This could be as simple as engaging in their social media, adding value to them or their business with your own expertise, sending a supportive message, or engaging with them on any level in a kind or constructive way. If you add positive value to someone’s life or business the chances of them returning that favor greatly increase.”
2. Mix up who you ask
Looking for a simple way to avoid overwhelming someone with asks? Don’t make them your only go-to for professional advice. Unless someone has signed on to mentor you, it’s not appropriate to ask the same person over and over (and over) again.
Consider asking peers, people in other industries, and virtual as well as IRL contacts. As a bonus, by varying who you ask for help and advice, you’ll encounter more perspectives that will help you develop even more fully as a professional.
3. Choose a proportionate favor
A proportionate ask is one that takes into consideration a) your relationship to the other person and b) the past assistance you’ve offered them. You can ask your sister or your best friend for more than you’d ask of someone you met last week, and per Dare’s example above, you have a different relationship with someone if you like each other’s social media posts, versus if you donate to their charity race team every year.
One way to avoid overdoing it is to break a big favor down into small pieces. Do you need someone’s assistance with the entire project, or would being pointed in the right direction on this one part really help move the needle?
4. Don’t bury the lead
Nobody likes a bait-and-switch, and a three paragraph complimentary note followed up by a huge ask makes the whole beginning feel like you were just buttering up the other person.
A kind word goes a long way; but keep it at a sentence or two, and then get to the point. It’ll feel more kind and sincere.
5. Set a timestamp
People are busy, so if someone says, “Can you help with an event I’m planning for work?,” the other person might have to say no if they can’t conceptualize off-hand how long it’ll take.
Consider the difference between, “Could you come to my event Saturday? It’s from 12-4 p.m.,” and “Do you have 45 minutes to pop into my event next Saturday from 12-4 p.m.?” Or “Could you explain TikTok to me?” vs.“Do you have 10 minutes to walk me through one part of TikTok I can’t seem to figure out?”
Walter Geer III, Chief Experience Design Officer of VMLY&R, suggests conceptualizing time in terms of billable hours: “If someone asks me for 15 minutes, I’m much more likely to say yes—and I may even give them 30. But if they ask for an hour I’ll often say no, simply because I don’t have the time.” He adds: “And when they keep it to 15 minutes, I really appreciate it.” Another way to show you respect the other person’s time, per Geer, is to plan your questions and send them over in advance, so you both can make the most of the conversation.
6. Be clear and straightforward
“Can you help me with something?”
I don’t know. I run a marketing firm, so if it has to do with marketing, there’s a good chance I could. However, if you need bilingual transcription, someone who’s good with spatial visualization, or someone who can code—the answer is nope.
You need to be more specific than, “I need help with a project.” Share what kind of help you need: technical, logistical, creative, bandwidth, budgetary. The clearer the ask is, the more likely you’ll get a yes from someone who can actually help you.
7. Offer to return the favor
Reciprocity is key, although it might not always seem feasible—especially if you’re asking someone with more knowledge, experience, or connections. Don’t discount who you are, what you know, and where you’re going in this world.
A simple, “I greatly appreciate it, and if I can ever return the favor, please let me know,” shows a spirit of gratitude and generosity.
8. Avoid asking for free labor
Remember the last time you asked your doctor to do your physical for free? No? Me neither. So stop asking people in your network to “just look over your social media and give you some ideas.” Here’s an easy rule: If they charge for it, you’re not asking for a favor—you’re asking someone to work for free.
A better approach is to say, “I’m on a super-tight budget, but I don’t know what I’m doing on Instagram. Do you have any recommendations?” This way they can offer the amount of support that feels right for them.
Also, remember that experienced executives who are frequent keynote speakers are regularly asked to speak about their career—and compensated for doing so. Geer says: “People will reach out and ask if I can share my career story and any lessons with them. To be honest, if they researched me first, they’d see podcasts and news articles that already cover that.” (And you definitely don’t want to waste your ask on something you could’ve found on Google all along.)
9. Share credit
Did you ask a colleague to help you on a project? Credit them. Did you ask a mentor to brainstorm ideas with you? Credit them. Did you ask a peer or someone junior to you to teach you something? Credit them.
This won’t just earn you points with the person whose work you’re upholding, it’ll show your boss that you're generous, resourceful, and team-first. Also, it’ll show them you know people and are a strong collaborator.
10. Don’t nag
This is key. Just because you ask professionally, doesn’t mean the person must write back nicely. In fact, it doesn’t oblige them to write back at all. Hopefully, they will, but people saying “no” doesn’t make them uncaring or unkind; they could just be really, really busy or have some other reason why they can’t fulfill your request at the moment.
One follow up of, “Hi, just making sure this didn’t go to spam,” is appropriate.
3 email templates to politely ask for a favor
Here are three templates to ask for a favor in a way that lets the other person say “no” and still save face:
Email template #1: If you’d like an introduction
One reason to grow your network is that when you build a relationship with someone, their contacts (theoretically) become your second-degree connections. However, as we all know, just because you once worked with someone or follow each other on social sites, it doesn’t mean you’re close enough to introduce them to new people. It’s helpful to send a note like this:
Dear [Contact Name],
I noticed [impressive person’s name] is in my second-degree network and you’re the common link! I’ve really been hoping to get in touch with her [to interview her for a project I’m working on/ask her to speak at an event my company is holding/learn what her transition from one career path to another was really like]. Would you be able to put the two of us in touch? If not, I totally understand.
Thank you!
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
This message increases the likelihood you’ll get a response for three reasons. First, it’s short and to the point. Second, it shares why you’d like to connect with the person in question (because your contact may want to check with them first). Third, it gives the other person a comfortable way to decline if they can’t—or don’t want to—make the intro.
Email template #2: If you’d like a job referral
It’s true: A personal referral increases the likelihood you’ll get hired for a job, but it’s also kind of a huge ask. You’re asking someone to put their work reputation on the line to vouch for you. If you’re friends but they’ve never actually worked with you, they might not be comfortable saying yes, so ask in a way that informs their decision—and lets them say no without risking your friendship:
Dear [Contact Name],
I see there’s an opening for a management role at [Their Company]. As you may know, I’ve worked in management for over five years at [Your Current Company], where I [oversee a team of 12 people or some other relevant info]. In fact, in my time here, [my team has doubled in size and scope, beati our goals by an average of 15% each quarter, or another relevant accomplishment].
I mention all of this because I’m really excited about the work you’re doing at your company, especially [recent initiative], and I’d love to be a part of it. Do you know anything about this opening, and if so, would it be possible for you to refer me to the appropriate person to speak with about the position? If not, I definitely understand, and would appreciate any pointers you might have about applying to your company.
Thank you so much for all of your help.
Best,
[Your Name]
This email hits on several points. First, you’re sharing why you’re qualified for the role, so your contact doesn’t have to do any additional legwork. Second, you’re showing you’re up to speed on what’s going on at their company (and that this isn’t a mass email). Third, you’re providing them with multiple ways to help you, so they can choose what works best for them.
Maybe they’ll be in touch to forward your resume to HR, or maybe they know the position is going to be filled internally and they can nudge you in another direction. When you ask for “any pointers,” you avoid backing them into a corner—and you set yourself up to get the very best advice (even if you don’t know what that is).
Email template #3: If you’d like (free) advice
You probably know that asking a distant contact to grab coffee to “pick your brain” is an often-declined request. If they’re too busy to catch up with close friends, it’s unlikely they’ll drop everything to answer your questions for 45 minutes. When you make this ask, be sure to provide options that could accommodate almost any schedule:
Dear [Contact Name],
I’ve been following your LinkedIn updates and notice that you’ve been posting a ton of articles. I’m definitely interested in raising awareness about my own brand and have been wondering if this approach would make sense for me, too. Might you have 15 minutes to chat over the phone? If not, would it be possible for me to send you a couple of questions over email? Or perhaps you could share any resources with me that you’ve found to be particularly helpful?
I really appreciate your time and guidance.
All the best,
[Your Name]
First things first, if you wouldn’t meet with them for coffee socially, knock that option off the list and instead jump straight to asking the person to hop on a phone call. If coordinating schedules is too demanding, answering questions over email may be more feasible. Also, don’t discount them pointing you to a helpful resource. It may be that the industry newsletter or job board they swear by is even more valuable than you would’ve guessed.
Asking for a favor—professionally—can not only help you find the support you seek; done right, it can strengthen your connection to the other contact, too. Remember that whether they decide to help you or not, always reply with a gracious thank you. Just because the timing or situation might not be right at this time, doesn’t mean it can’t happen in the future.