A bad boss can make your work life difficult, but there’s a difference between someone you don’t click with and someone who is truly toxic. A toxic boss creates environments filled with fear, manipulation, and unrealistic expectations—and they often reveal their toxic traits through their words.
We put together 10 things toxic bosses say for your awareness—along with advice on how to deal with a toxic boss. If you hear any of the following phrases regularly, it may be time to reevaluate your work situation.
First things first: What makes a toxic boss?
A toxic boss isn’t just demanding or difficult. What makes them toxic is their active contribution to a harmful workplace culture. They may use intimidation, micromanagement, harassment, gaslighting, or favoritism to maintain control, making it nearly impossible for employees to feel valued or secure.
Unlike a boss who challenges you to grow, a toxic boss undermines your confidence and well-being. And often, they reveal their toxicity through their words. If you’ve ever felt dismissed, manipulated, or threatened by your boss’s comments, you’re not imagining things—follow your gut instincts.
Toxic boss traits to look after
Toxic bosses can be passive or aggressive. These are the bosses that pit employees against one another in the name of gaining efficiencies or cost savings. These are the ones who yell one moment and are calm the next. These are the bosses who give direction and then change it without taking ownership when the outcomes are not what they wanted.
Passive toxicity comes in the form of gossiping about one employee to another, or creating project parameters that in no way will allow the employee to succeed, or having favorites within the employee ranks, disregarding everyone else.
10 things toxic bosses say
Any one of these phrases should immediately raise a major red flag—they are all signs of a toxic boss.
1. “You should be grateful to have a job.”
Translation: “I don’t value your contributions, and I expect you to tolerate poor treatment.” A good leader acknowledges employees' hard work instead of making them feel replaceable.
2. “If you don’t like it, there are plenty of people who would take your place.”
Major toxicity alert. This kind of fear-based leadership discourages employees from speaking up about concerns. A supportive boss encourages open communication rather than threatening job security.
3. “That’s just how things are here.”
This phrase is often used to justify unfair policies, unreasonable workloads, or outdated practices. It dismisses valid concerns and prevents positive change.
4. “You need to be a team player.”
Collaboration is important, but this phrase is often misused to pressure employees into overwork, unpaid labor, or accepting inappropriate behavior.
5. “I don’t have time for this.”
Dismissing an employee’s concerns as unimportant creates a toxic power dynamic. That, right there, is a toxic boss, not a good leader. A healthy workplace encourages respectful dialogue, even when time is limited.
6. “You’re too sensitive.”
This is a classic gaslighting phrase, used to invalidate emotions and discourage employees from standing up for themselves. Respectful leaders take feedback seriously rather than belittling concerns.
7. “No one else has a problem with this.”
This phrase is used to isolate employees and make them doubt their experiences. Just because others haven’t spoken up doesn’t mean there isn’t a problem.
8. “I don’t pay you to think.”
A toxic boss who discourages critical thinking and initiative stifles growth and innovation. Employees should be encouraged to contribute ideas, not silenced.
9. “This is just constructive criticism.”
Constructive feedback is meant to help employees improve, but when this phrase is used to justify harsh, unhelpful, or humiliating comments, it becomes a huge waving red flag. Giving (and receiving) feedback is one of the most important soft skills for any leader.
10. “We’re like a family here.”
Everyone seeks a positive team culture, but this phrase is often used to guilt employees into working long hours, accepting unfair treatment, or blurring professional boundaries.
“Most families don't have good or respectful boundaries—that means the employee will be asked to sacrifice time, mental health and wellness when it suits the boss,” says career coach Kristen Knepper. “At the same time, families are loyal in ways that a toxic boss will never be. “For example, my family would never let me go homeless, but a toxic boss would fire me or lay me off knowing that I'm living paycheck to paycheck.” Mic drop.
Should you go to HR because of a toxic boss?
“This is a multi-layered question with just as many possible answers, unfortunately,” says Sharon DeLay, president of the firm GO-HR with decades of experience in the workplace as a certified Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) investigator.
In theory, HR is there to ensure employees’ well-being, but in practice, they might not always be willing or prepared to address personal leadership issues unless they involve clear legal violations. “If the employee trusts HR and believes HR will make every effort to right the situation, the employee should go to HR,” DeLay says. “If HR has proven to be nothing more than a mouthpiece for bad company culture and leadership, it’s probably best to look elsewhere.”
Should you respond? Here’s how to handle a toxic boss
Hearing any of these phrases can be demoralizing and frustrating. But instead of reacting impulsively, take a moment for yourself. Your well-being is important, so consider your options strategically carefully as you process these feelings.
Decide whether to respond
Before addressing toxic comments, consider the context. Is this a one-time issue or a pattern? Will speaking up lead to change, or will it put your job at risk? Reflect on past interactions with your boss and what you’ve noticed about the company culture.
Set boundaries without engaging in conflict
If you choose to respond in the moment, keep your tone calm and professional. Redirect the conversation if needed and focus on clear, firm communication.
For example, if your boss dismisses your concerns, you might say, “I understand that’s the current policy, but I’d love to discuss potential improvements.”
Document toxic behavior
Keep records of harmful comments and actions, noting dates, times, and contexts. If the situation escalates, having documentation can support HR complaints or legal action.
Plan your next steps
Let's be real, you deserve a respectful environment—-we all do. If your boss’s behavior doesn’t improve and starts affecting your mental health or career growth, consider exploring new opportunities. A toxic environment is rarely worth staying in long-term and can affect your personal life and health outside of working hours. It's just not worth it.
“There are some people who work for a toxic boss that try harder and prove themselves, but I see this as less successful,” DeLay says. “A toxic boss cannot be rehabilitated until the toxic boss takes responsibility for their behavior.”
A positive work environment can make all the difference. Browse these amazing open jobs on The Muse—one of them could be perfect for you »
When toxic bosses behave illegally: Know your rights
Just as there’s a clear distinction between a bad boss and a toxic boss, there’s also a difference between immorality and illegality. If your boss is discriminating against you based on race, gender, religion, age, or disability, that’s grounds for legal action.
Harassment—whether verbal, physical, or psychological—needs to be reported to HR first. “If HR ignores it, that strengthens your case,” says attorney John Beck. “And if you report unethical or illegal activity and are fired, demoted, or punished, that’s a violation of employment laws.”
If the situation escalates, consulting an employment attorney is the best move. Every state has different labor laws, so what qualifies as a legal case in Missouri might not hold up in California or Texas. Legal action is the last step, but knowing your rights and documenting everything puts you in the strongest position.
“Keep records of emails, messages, and any incidents that show a pattern of illegal behavior,” Beck says. “People who don't have a clear law violation but still have to deal with a bad boss can negotiate. A lot of companies want to stay out of court cases and are willing to talk about severance agreements or settlements. I've helped clients arrange exit packages so they don't have to stay in a bad workplace.”
The bottom line: Dealing with a toxic boss
If your boss uses these or similar phrases often, it’s not a reflection of your abilities—it’s a sign of their poor leadership. You deserve a workplace that values and supports you. Whether you choose to set boundaries, report the behavior, or move on to a healthier environment, prioritizing your well-being is always the right decision.