If you have parents asking for money for the first time, it might feel awkward all around. For many people, parents are the ones who raised you with love and provided all you needed to thrive in life. For others, not so much. Either way, feelings of confusion, guilt, and the pressure to say yes can weigh heavily on your mind, especially if you’re trying to build or maintain your own financial stability.
So, how do you handle these situations without damaging your relationships or your bank account? Is it OK to say no when parents ask for money?
In this article, we’ll explore how to navigate the emotional, financial, and boundary-setting aspects of parents asking for money. Whether you're dealing with cultural expectations, emergencies, or financially irresponsible parents (hey, it happens), we'll help you make a decision that feels right for you.
It’s OK to feel conflicted when parents ask for money
Let’s start with the emotional side. If your parents have asked you for financial support, it’s perfectly normal to feel conflicted. “Money is a stand-in for many other things, such as worth, competence, freedom, prestige, power, masculinity, and control,” says Silvia Dutchevici, a psychotherapist, president, and founder of the Critical Therapy Institute. “This leaves most of us feeling embarrassed or conflicted about discussing it.”
On one hand, you might be happy to give back—especially if they sacrificed aspects of their lives for you and are now in need. This can be especially true if you’re the child of immigrants, where there’s often an unspoken expectation of giving back financially. But on the other hand, you have your own life to manage.
“Emotions around parents asking for money are deeply tied to the values one has learned while growing up,” Dutchevici says. “These feelings can range from guilt to anger, grandiosity, and happiness for being able to help. The question is: What’s behind the guilt? What emotions are hidden or unprocessed around money? Did we grow up believing it is our responsibility to help our parents? Or did we grow up believing everyone should be responsible for themselves financially?”
Maybe you’re saving for your future, paying off student loans, or trying to build up an emergency fund—and you might feel like handing over cash to your parents could derail your financial goals. The good news is, you can be a supportive child without sacrificing your financial health.
Should you say yes? The financial impact of giving money to your parents
Before you commit to helping your parents financially, consider how it will impact your own financial situation. Will giving them money cause you to go into debt or delay your own goals? Here are a few things to think about:
Is it normal for your parents to ask you for money? It’s not uncommon for parents to ask their adult children for financial help, especially in cultures that expect to give back. However, it’s important to balance this with your own financial security.
- Are their needs short-term or long-term? Is this a one-time emergency, or will they need ongoing support? If it’s the latter, you’ll need to have a serious conversation about setting boundaries, as regular contributions can quickly become unsustainable.
- Are your financially irresponsible parents asking for money? “I'd advise against giving money if it's becoming a regular occurrence or if your parents have a history of poor financial management,” says certified public accountant David Kindness. “In these cases, giving money might enable harmful behaviors and put your own financial future at risk.”
- How does giving money impact your own financial security? “If giving money would compromise your ability to pay bills, save for retirement, or maintain an emergency fund, it's better to say no and explore alternative ways to support your parents,” Kindness says.
- Are there other alternatives? Sometimes, offering support doesn’t have to mean handing over cash. You could help your parents manage their finances, guide them toward government assistance programs, or offer to help with a specific expense, like covering one bill per month.
How do you set boundaries with parents who ask for money?
Whether your answer is a yes or a no, it’s crucial to set boundaries. This can feel awkward, but clear communication is key to preserving your relationship while also protecting your finances. Money hides a lot of emotions, so you must critically question the motives behind wanting or not wanting to help your parents.
Here’s how you can handle boundary-setting conversations:
1. Be honest but kind
Explain your financial situation honestly and gently. You could say something like, “I can loan you $X while you’re getting restabilized, but let’s talk about a repayment plan.” Acknowledge their needs while reinforcing that you have to take care of yourself first to be able to care for them in the future.
2. Offer alternatives
If you can’t give money, try offering other forms of support. This boundary is a great fit if you're looking for advice on what to do when parents are bad with money. For example, you could help your parents by giving them personal financial mentorship, finding financial assistance programs, or exploring ways to cut their expenses. Showing that you still want to help in other ways demonstrates that you care without putting yourself in a financial bind.
3. Set limits if you do give
If you decide to give your parents money, be clear about how much and how often. For instance, “I can help with X amount this month, but I won’t be able to make this a regular thing.” Setting these expectations from the start can prevent resentment or future financial strain.
“Constantly bailing out others financially can create a cycle of dependency, hindering your ability to achieve your own financial goals like saving for retirement or buying a home,” Kindness says. The key is finding balance—supporting your parents where you can but also recognizing when to say no or set limits.
This is also a great time for a bit of advice on how to handle family asking for money in general. The advice in this article applies to grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, and other family members, too. Remember that your willingness or ability to support them financially is separate from your love for them.
4. Be prepared to say no
What to do if parents keep asking for money? If you simply can’t afford to help, it’s OK to say no. It may be difficult, but your financial well-being comes first. Try to express your decision with empathy: “I wish I could help more, but I have to take care of my own finances right now.”
5. Be clear on whether it’s a loan or a gift
One important boundary to set is whether the money you’re giving your parents is a loan or a gift.
“If it's a loan, create a written agreement detailing the loan amount, repayment terms, and any interest—this helps prevent misunderstandings and protects both parties.” Kindness says. “But also be prepared for the possibility that you might not get the money back even if it's a loan; only lend what you can afford to lose without resentment.”
If it’s a gift, make that clear from the beginning, but also define how much you can afford to give and that it’s a one-time deal.
Can I give my parents money tax-free? Understand the tax implications
If you do decide to give your parents a significant amount of money, you’ll want to be aware of potential tax consequences. In the U.S., there are specific rules about gifting money. But first, a pro tip: Never lend your credit card.
“I'd advise against lending your credit card—this can blur the lines of responsibility and potentially harm your credit score,” the accountant says. “Instead, use a direct bank transfer or write a check.”
- Annual gift tax exclusion: As of 2024, you can give up to $17,000 per year to an individual (like a parent) without triggering gift tax. You and your spouse can jointly give $34,000 if you're married. If you give more than that in a year, you’ll need to report the gift to the IRS, but you likely won’t owe tax unless you exceed the lifetime exclusion amount, which is currently in the millions.
- Direct payments for medical or educational expenses: If your parents need help with medical bills or education, you can pay those expenses directly without the payment being considered a gift. This can be a tax-efficient way to help without worrying about gift tax limits.
“Keep detailed records of all transactions for your own financial tracking and potential tax implications,” Kindness says. Consult a tax professional if you’re planning on giving large amounts of money to your parents to ensure you comply with tax laws.
Bottom line: Balancing support and financial stability
Parents asking for money can be complex and emotionally charged, but it’s important to find a balance that works for you and them. By setting clear boundaries, considering the tax implications, and offering other forms of support, you can protect your financial well-being while still showing your parents that you care.
More money? Yes, please: Check out open jobs on The Muse and find the perfect fit for your financial goals »