We’ve all been there: A story starts innocently enough, but before you know it, you’ve revealed too much at the office. Many of us have found ourselves in the oversharing trap at work, and while it’s natural to want to connect with colleagues, there’s a fine line between bonding and divulging too much.
Oversharing at work might feel harmless in the moment, but it can have lasting consequences for your professional relationships and career. The good news: With a little awareness and some practical tips, you can find the right balance.
In this article, we’ll talk about what oversharing is, why it happens, how it can affect your career, and how to recover if you’ve already said more than you meant to.
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What is oversharing at work?
Let’s start with the basics: The oversharing definition. Oversharing happens when you reveal too much personal information, often in a setting or to an audience where it’s not appropriate.
Maybe you have an emotional outburst during a casual chat or spill intimate details about your personal life that leaves your coworkers feeling awkward. Put simply, “it’s when you step into a space that others aren’t prepared for,” says career coach Kristine Knutter.
It’s easy to share a funny story or vent about a bad day with your coworkers. After all, we spend so much time at work that our colleagues can start to feel like family. But sometimes, in the heat of the moment or during a casual chat, we might end up oversharing in ways that could come back to haunt us. Especially at work, you don’t want to be judged for behaviors or opinions that have nothing to do with your professional life.
The fine line between sharing vs. oversharing
Sharing a bit of yourself at work is healthy and helps build trust. For example, opening up about struggling with a project can strengthen your bond with a colleague. “Sharing should feel reciprocal,” Knutter says. On the other hand, oversharing happens when the information you disclose is too personal, emotional, or irrelevant to the context.
So, how do you find the right balance between being personable and professional? “The line between sharing and oversharing comes down to understanding what adds value to a conversation versus what makes people uncomfortable,” Knutter says. “Sharing is about being open in a way that adds value to the conversation or helps strengthen relationships without overstepping boundaries.”
A simple rule of thumb: If you’re not sure whether a story is appropriate, take a pause. Ask yourself, “Does this fit the conversation, or am I saying it to fill silence or seek sympathy?”
Why do people overshare at work?
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation at work cringing at how much you revealed, you might wonder why it happened in the first place. Oversharing isn’t always intentional. So, why do people overshare? “It’s often more about seeking validation or connection than maintaining professionalism,” Knutter says.
Oversharing can also stem from nervousness or even unclear boundaries in the workplace. “Someone new to the workplace might not yet understand what’s too personal to share in a professional setting,” she says. The tricky impulse to overshare in casual settings
In casual work environments, oversharing can feel even more tempting. “In some workplaces, there’s even a culture of oversharing that makes it feel normal to open up about private matters,” Knutter says.
“This is more likely to happen in settings where the atmosphere is relaxed," she says. “But regardless of the setting, it’s important to find a balance between being open and maintaining professional boundaries.”
Social events, especially those involving alcohol, can also blur boundaries. “Some people simply haven’t had healthy boundaries modeled for them, so they may not know where to draw the line,” the career coach says. “People who view their coworkers as friends rather than colleagues may naturally share more personal details, leading to oversharing.”
Oversharing can hurt your career—here's how
You might think, “What’s the harm in being open?” But oversharing can have unexpected consequences, even if your intentions are good. “It might lead to being perceived as unprofessional or immature,” Knutter says.
Here’s how it can impact your professional life:
- Damaged reputation: Sharing too much might make you seem unprofessional or impulsive, which can affect how others perceive your judgment.
- Loss of trust: “Oversharing can undermine trust and make it more difficult to be seen as someone ready for greater responsibility,” Knutter says. Coworkers may feel uneasy, wondering if you’ll share their personal information just as easily.
- Gossip and isolation: Oversharing can lead to office gossip, making you a topic of conversation rather than a trusted colleague. “If coworkers feel like you don’t respect boundaries, they might start to pull away,” she says.
How to stop oversharing at work
Want to catch yourself before you start sharing too much? Here are some practical strategies for how to stop oversharing.
1. Pause before you speak
Next time you feel the urge to share, take a moment. Ask yourself: “Is this story necessary? Will it add to the conversation, or am I oversharing?” Pausing gives you a chance to rethink your words.
2. Avoid oversharing triggers
If you notice you tend to overshare in certain situations, such as after a glass of wine at a work dinner, take steps to manage those triggers. Alcohol can lower inhibitions, so be mindful of how much you drink. Stick to water or limit drinking alcoholic beverages in professional settings.
3. Practice small talk
If you feel nervous in conversations, you might overshare as a way to fill the silence. Practicing small talk or preparing a few go-to topics can help. Think: recent news, hobbies, or light work-related topics.
4. Gauge emotional readiness
Recognize that not every coworker needs to know the details of your life. Consider whether the other person is emotionally prepared for what you want to share.
5. Set boundaries for yourself
It’s OK to keep things professional and hold back on sharing overly personal stories. Trust takes time, so avoid sharing anything too personal or vulnerable until you've really gotten to know someone and they’ve earned your trust.
6. Seek advice
If you’re unsure whether something is appropriate to share, ask a trusted colleague or mentor for their perspective before you speak. The career coach recommends picking up Brené Brown’s Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. “It’s a great resource for understanding vulnerability and learning how to build trust and set boundaries,” she says.
How to recover from oversharing at work
If you’ve already overshared at work, it’s not the end of the world. “Don’t be too hard on yourself,” Knutter says. “I’ve been there, especially early in my career.”
- Reflect on the moment. Think about why you shared what you did. Was it nerves? Trying to connect? Recognizing the why can help you prevent similar situations in the future.
- Acknowledge it. Sometimes, it’s worth addressing the situation. “If you feel comfortable, approach a trusted colleague or supervisor and let them know you’ve recognized that oversharing is an area for growth,” she says. “Ask for their guidance as you work on setting better boundaries.”
- Shift the focus. If the conversation is still fresh, redirect it to a neutral or work-related topic. It helps to steer attention away from the overshare.
- Rebuild trust over time. Consistency is key. Show your coworkers you’ve learned to respect boundaries by being thoughtful in future interactions.
Learn, grow, and stay professional
Oversharing at work can happen to anyone, but it’s something you can manage with a little self-awareness and effort. By understanding your triggers, setting boundaries, and practicing thoughtful communication, you can avoid the pitfalls of oversharing and strengthen your professional relationships. And if you do slip up? Remember that one overshare doesn’t define you. We’re all human. What matters most is how you learn and grow from the experience.