Conflicts at work happen. After all, every workplace is a conjunction of different people with different backgrounds and ideas trying to collaborate for a common goal. However, in some instances, the conflicts aren't the result of a healthy exchange of different opinions, but a product of the behavior of purposely difficult people.
Professionally disagreeing with a perspective or asking questions is normal. But difficult people at work go out of their way to find problems or create them. This can cause rifts on the team and create a toxic work environment if it isn't addressed. So, how to work with difficult people, you may ask? We asked a career coach that very question—and here's her best advice.
Common behaviors of difficult coworkers
“Difficult” can have different meanings for different people. For instance, if you love peace and quiet, a coworker who's constantly starting conversations at the office could be a difficult person to work with. But for a person who's highly extroverted and loves to chat, that same colleague might be a dream coworker.
That said, there are some common behaviors that cause disruption and conflict at work regardless of personal preferences:
- Gossiping
- Bad-mouthing
- Oversteping boundaries
- Defensiviness
- Stuborness
- Undermining coworkers
- Belittling others’ ideas
- Micromanagement
A positive work environment can make all the difference. Browse these amazing open jobs on The Muse—one of them could be perfect for you »
How to work with difficult people
Dealing with difficult people at work can be tough, but you need to do it for the sake of a positive and productive environment. Here are five tips for dealing with difficult people at work, whether it's your boss or coworker.
1. Observe and control your emotions
Working with difficult people can make you feel irritated, frustrated, and even angry. But you shouldn't let these feelings overcome you and affect your actions. “First and foremost take responsibility for your own reactions,” says Annie Nogg, a Muse career coach and founder of Annie Nogg Coaching LLC. “Observe the behavior, notice how it makes you feel then tend to those emotions. That way you can respond rather than react.”
2. Remove yourself from the situation
Before taking any action, take a few minutes to remove yourself and your feelings from the situation and consider: Is your coworker actually problematic? Sometimes two people just aren't fond of each other—for reasons that aren't necessarily toxic behavior.
Take a step back and think: What in their behavior bothers you and why? Have you ever seen other coworkers being bothered by them too? Has anyone ever complained about it? If it's clear that it's not just a you thing, move to the next step.
3. Addressing the behavior
“If you begin to notice the behavior as a pattern,” Nogg says, “consider addressing the person directly from a calm grounded place to share your observations and perhaps make a request for different behavior.” Avoid accusatory statements. Instead, try to express concern or doubt by asking a question and making a suggestion.
For example, let's say your coworker is stubborn about their ideas. Instead of accusing them of not listening and considering others’ input, ask if they feel uncertain about the project. You could say, “Hi [name], I notice some pushback on the suggestions the team offered to [project name]. Are you feeling uncertain about the direction we're going?”
4. Find a common ground and compromise
If difficult coworker behavior affects you directly, seek a common ground to try to improve the situation. For example, let's say this person is your supervisor who micromanages you. You could suggest using a task tracking software like Trello or something as simple as a spreadsheet where you could share the status of your tasks. They would still have control without having to talk to or Slack you every two minutes.
If you're having problems that don't directly affect your work, such as a coworker who constantly gossips or badmouths other coworkers, try to enforce a boundary and compromise. For example, you could say, “I really like to chat with you, [name], but I don't feel comfortable talking about other coworkers. I'd prefer if we chat more about our common interests or the job from now on. Does that work for you?”
5. If they're your boss—take it to HR
Dealing with a difficult boss can put you in a tough spot, because they're your superior. On one hand, you want to improve your working situation, while on the other you don’t want to risk being on bad terms with them and potentially hurting your career.
So, how to deal with a difficult boss? First try to approach the situation with professionalism, following the steps above. If that doesn't work, Nogg says, take the situation to HR. “If they respond with defensiveness or worse, elevate it to HR,” she says.
Tacfulness and calmness are key. “Remember, how you deliver the feedback is even more important than what you actually say,” she says. You don't want to sound like you're badmouthing your boss or throwing them under the bus for professional gain. You want to express a concern about how their behavior is affecting your work and productivity. If you have a paper trail that backs you up, that's even better.
What not to do when working with difficult people
When dealing with a difficult coworker or boss, there are a few things you should not do, in any circumstance. Here’s what you should avoid, according to Nogg:
- Don’t gossip or badmouth them. It's common to want to vent when stressed or angry, but don't do that—at least, not with other coworkers. It's unprofessional and since words run fast, you might end up as the bad guy who's trying to make someone else look bad. Instead, talk to your friends or a therapist.
- Don't sink to their level. “Don’t exhibit the same behaviors you dislike just because you’re hurt or upset,” Nogg says. Pettiness and passive-agressiveness will only add fuel to the fire and could damage your professional reputation in the process.
Making the best of a difficult situation
Working with difficult people is all about patience and strategy. You don't want to keep quiet and let them make your work day miserable, but you don't want to blow the situation out of proportion and make yourself look bad in the process. The key is assessing the situation with a clear head and finding ways to address the issue in the most professional manner.