The more you grow and take on more responsibilities in your career, the more you should be prepared to respectfully disagree during project collaborations, performance reviews, and even daily conversations. Whether with your peers, your boss, or other departments, knowing how to disagree respectfully is part of the job, and how you handle differences of opinion can demonstrate how competent you are.
So, how do you navigate these harsh conversations without damaging relationships or your reputation? The key lies in mastering the art of how to disagree diplomatically.
In this article, we'll take a closer look at practical examples of how to express disagreement in specific workplace scenarios.
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How to disagree respectfully at work
The exchange of ideas and opinions in the workplace environment is both inevitable and essential for growth. However, it's not uncommon for arguments to arise.
“Always appreciate that people have different viewpoints,” says Michael Trust, a human resources leader and certified mediator. “No matter how strongly you or they feel about a subject, getting into an argument, name-calling, and disparaging someone, is never appropriate at work. “Handling disagreement the right way shows maturity, discernment, and good judgment,” Trust says. “And it will help you stand out as a standup person.”
Here's how to respectfully disagree with someone you work with.
1. Listen actively before responding
One of the most critical parts of disagreeing respectfully is showing that you’ve heard the other person’s perspective. Listening doesn’t mean you’re agreeing; it means you’re giving them the respect of understanding their point of view before you share yours.
Example:
“I see where you’re coming from, and I appreciate the point you made about X. Here’s another perspective I’d like to share…”
2. Stay calm and composed
Disagreements can stir up emotions, but you must keep them in check in a professional setting. Consider taking a moment to gather your thoughts before speaking. “If the conversation becomes offensive, do not engage,” Trust says. Raising your voice or getting defensive will escalate the situation.
Example:
“I understand this is a heated topic, but I’d like to approach it calmly so we can find the best solution together.”
3. Acknowledge common ground
When disagreeing, it helps to identify the areas where you agree before pointing out where your opinions differ. This shows that you’re not dismissing everything the other person is saying, and it can make your disagreement feel less confrontational.
Example:
“I agree with the overall goal of this project, but I have a different approach in mind for how we achieve it.”
4. Use “I” statements, not “you” statements
Avoid pointing fingers; instead, focus on expressing your feelings or thoughts. This shifts the tone from confrontational to conversational.
Example:
“I feel that my contribution wasn't recognized” instead of “You're not giving me credit.”
5. Be solution-oriented
The solution should be the focus of the disagreement, not the problem. Come to the conversation with ideas for moving forward. Offering constructive solutions shows you’re committed to finding common ground and working together.
Example:
“How about we create a solution that addresses both priorities?”
6. Choose the right setting…
Emails allow you to choose your words more carefully, but seeing body language and tone in person can make all the difference in keeping things amicable.
“I prefer a conversation, followed up in writing to ensure that there are no misunderstandings about the issue or the resolution of the issue,” Trust says. “I will tell the other person that I will be following up with an email, so it's not a surprise, and it doesn't look like I'm setting them up.”
Example:
“Following up on our previous conversation, I'm looking forward to presenting you with a reviewed version with my thoughts.”
7. …and the right time
Disagreeing publicly can make people defensive. If possible, address disagreements privately, where both parties can speak openly without an audience.
Example:
“Could we step aside after the meeting to discuss this further? I'm confident we can find a solution.”
8. Know when to let it go
Not every disagreement needs to be pursued to the bitter end. It’s also OK to agree to disagree and move on at times when the issue isn't fundamental. Picking your battles wisely is a key part of maintaining professionalism at work. If you're looking for what to say instead of “agree to disagree,” check out our option below.
Example:
“I see we have different views on this, but I’m willing to move forward with the decision as is and monitor the results together.”
9. Understand your legal limits
If you're a leader arguing with an employee, be careful about taking any adverse employment action for any legally protected activity. “Employers don't have the right to disagree about overtime, workplace safety, discrimination, retaliation, correct pay, disability, reasonable accommodations, etc,” Trust says. “The list is extensive.”
“Conversely, if you work for someone, don't threaten to quit unless you're prepared to actually do it,” he says.
What not to do when disagreeing at work
As the saying goes: It takes 20 years to build a reputation and 20 seconds to destroy it. “Handling a disagreement in the wrong way is likely to land you in hot water at a minimum, and termination at the maximum, depending on what you said or did,” Trust says. It's simply not worth it. Ever.
So, how to argue professionally? “Control your emotions—no matter how angry you are, be objectively reasonable,” he says. “If the disagreement is something you can't live with, then make a change in the situation—e.g.: find a new job.”
Other don'ts:
Don’t get personal
Attacking someone’s character or intelligence is a surefire way to turn a simple disagreement into a serious conflict. Keep your focus on the issue at hand, not the person.
Example:
“You clearly don’t understand this project.”
Don’t interrupt
Cutting someone off mid-sentence not only feels disrespectful but also shows that you’re more focused on your own point of view than listening. Let them finish before responding.
Example:
Jumping in with “But…” before they’ve finished explaining their position.
Don’t raise your voice
“Do not yell, shout, pound on the table, call someone names, or disparage them to others,” Trust says. Keep your tone neutral and calm, even if you strongly disagree.
Example:
Shouting and cursing.
Don’t refuse to budge
Being inflexible will make you seem difficult to work with. Even if you don’t agree with everything, be willing to compromise or find a middle ground.
Example:
“I’m not changing my mind, no matter what.”
How to disagree respectfully: Examples for different scenarios
Disagreements can happen in all kinds of professional settings, and how you handle them can depend on the context. Here are some examples of how to disagree respectfully in common workplace situations.
Example #1: Respectfully disagreeing with your boss
Disagreeing with your boss can feel intimidating, but if approached the right way, it can even reinforce your value and demonstrate that you’re invested in the company’s success.
Example:
“I see the direction you want to take with this, and I agree that it’s important. I’d like to offer a different approach that I think could achieve the same result but with fewer resources.”
Example #2: Respectfully disagreeing with a colleague
When disagreeing with a peer, prioritize maintaining a collaborative tone and avoiding making it personal.
Example:
“I understand your perspective on this, but I have some concerns about how it might affect our timeline. Could we discuss some alternatives that might address both of our concerns?”
Example #3: Respectfully disagreeing in a performance review
If you disagree with feedback in a performance review, you must be prepared to express your viewpoint in a professional manner. This is not the time to get defensive, but you should feel empowered to share your side.
Example:
“I appreciate the feedback, and I’ll definitely work on improving in this area. However, I’d like to provide some context around the issue, which might explain why it didn’t go as expected.”
Example #4: How to disagree respectfully in an email
Knowing how to respectfully disagree with someone in writing can be tricky because tone doesn’t always translate well. To avoid misunderstandings, keep your email or message polite, clear, and solution-focused.
Example:
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. I see it slightly differently and wanted to offer another perspective. I believe doing X instead of Y might lead to a better outcome. Let me know what you think!”
Bottom line
Mastering how to respectfully disagree in different work situations will help you achieve greater heights in your career and protect your mental health from challenging arguments. And remember, you can always count on The Muse to navigate your career dilemmas.