It doesn’t matter who you are; criticism can be (really) hard to hear. This rings especially true when recognizing that not all criticism is created equal; some is designed to help you grow, while others are just meant to make you feel bad—in other words, there's destructive vs. constructive criticism.
Constructive criticism is a key element of professional growth—while destructive criticism can just be plain harmful. But what are the differences between constructive criticism and destructive criticism? How do you know what kind of feedback you’re receiving? With this guide, if you find yourself dealing with destructive criticism, you'll know how to recognize and respond.
Constructive criticism vs. destructive criticism: What is the difference?
Constructive criticism and destructive criticism are both forms of feedback. But that’s where the similarities end.
“Destructive criticism refers to feedback or comments that are harmful, hurtful, or damaging to an individual's well-being and self-esteem,” says Eden Garcia-Balis, an LA-based therapist and CEO of Airport Marina Counseling Service. “It typically involves negative and disparaging remarks that aim to undermine, belittle, or attack an individual.”
On the other hand, “Constructive criticism is a form of feedback that is intended to be helpful and supportive,” says Garcia-Balis. “Unlike destructive criticism, which can be harmful and negative, constructive criticism aims to provide guidance and suggestions for improvement. Think of it as feedback that is given with the intention of helping someone grow and develop.”
While constructive criticism can be extremely helpful (even when it’s hard to hear), “destructive criticism can have a significant impact on a person's emotional and psychological state,” says Garcia-Balis.
Or, to put it simply, “destructive is designed to tear down,” says Jennifer Paster Detmer, founder of leadership and strategy consultancy Livthentic. “Constructive is designed to build up.”
How to tell you’re getting destructive or constructive criticism
Everyone gets feedback at work. So, how do you know if the criticism you’re receiving is constructive or destructive?
“The main differences between destructive and constructive criticism lie in their intent, tone, and impact on the recipient,” says Garcia-Balis.
- Intent. When you receive criticism, the intent of the feedback can be extremely telling. “In general, one can tell if they are receiving destructive criticism when it feels as though it comes from a negative place, intending to hurt the individual,” says Garcia-Balis. “On the other hand, constructive criticism is meant to be helpful and supportive, aiming to guide the person toward positive changes and growth.”
- Tone. How the feedback is delivered can also give you keen insights into whether it’s constructive or destructive. Destructive criticism “is characterized by a negative and harsh tone,” says Garcia-Balis. “It may involve personal attacks, insults, or derogatory language.” To the contrary, “the tone of constructive criticism is respectful and considerate,” says Garcia-Balis. “It focuses on specific behaviors or actions rather than attacking the person's character.”
- Impact. If you’re not sure whether the criticism you’re receiving is constructive vs. destructive criticism, it can also be helpful to tune into how the criticism makes you feel.
Another way to evaluate whether criticism is constructive or destructive is what the criticism is focused on. Are you getting specific feedback about an event or behavior—or is someone speaking negatively about more abstract things, like your intentions or character?
“The easiest way to spot destructive criticism is it is often dripping with assumptions about your intentions vs. focusing on the actual behavior the person witnessed,” says Detmer.
So, for example, if a manager tells their employee, “Clearly, you just don’t care about your job. You never put in any effort. You’re never going to grow in this company and I wish you weren’t on my team”—that could be considered destructive criticism, as it’s more judgemental than helpful.
On the flip side, if a manager says, “I’ve noticed that you’ve been late for our past three team meetings and that you’ve fallen behind on your deadlines this week. Let’s talk about how we can support you,” that criticism is more constructive—as it sticks to facts instead of judgements and is aimed at helping the employee identify and change behaviors that may be holding them back at work.
Constructive criticism vs. destructive criticism: Examples
Now that you understand the difference between these two kinds of feedback, you might be wondering, “What is an example of destructive criticism at work?” and “What about constructive criticism?” Well, let’s take a look at a few:
1. Addressing an employee’s frequent absences
Constructive:
“I’ve noticed that you’ve been missing a lot of work lately. You’re an important part of this team and we really need you here to complete this project. Can we talk about why you’ve been absent—and if there’s anything we can do to support you?”
Destructive:
“You’re so lazy and irresponsible. Don’t you care about anything?”
2. Giving feedback on a less-than-perfect presentation
Constructive:
“Thanks for putting together that presentation. I can tell that you put a lot of effort into it, and we appreciate that. There were, however, a few areas I think could be improved—particularly when it comes to the design and how the key data points were presented. How about we carve out some time to work on it together later this week?”
Destructive:
“I can’t believe you gave such an awful presentation. Seriously, it was embarrassing.”
3. Giving feedback about interpersonal issues with other team members
Constructive:
“I’ve had a few team members come to me to talk about some personal issues they’ve been having with you—particularly with your management style. I’d love to share their feedback on how you might be a more effective manager to your current team members—and also hear your perspective on the issue.”
Destructive:
“You’re a terrible manager. Everyone on your team hates working with you.”
How do you respond to destructive criticism at work?
Ideally, you’d only receive constructive criticism at work. But, if you do find yourself on the receiving end of more destructive criticism, how should you respond?
Stay calm and don’t get defensive
When someone delivers hurtful criticism, it makes sense that you might want to lash out. But when that criticism happens in the workplace, it’s important to stay calm—and avoid getting defensive.
“Responding defensively can escalate tensions and hinder constructive communication,” says Garcia-Balis. “Acknowledge the feedback without immediately dismissing it, even if it feels unfair. It helps create a more open dialogue.”
Listen and ask questions
Sometimes, destructive criticism comes from a negative place. But sometimes, the person giving the feedback just isn’t skilled in delivering criticism effectively—and may actually be trying to help you. That’s why it’s important to listen.
“Actively listening to the criticism shows that you value feedback and are open to understanding the other person's perspective,” says Garcia-Balis. “It also gives you a chance to gather information and assess the validity of the criticism.”
If the criticism is more judgemental—and less specific—asking clarifying questions and for clear examples of the behavior they’re talking about can also be helpful.
“Ask for specific examples or details to better understand the criticism,” says Garcia-Balis. “This not only demonstrates your willingness to address concerns but also helps you identify actionable areas for improvement.”
And if they can’t give any examples? “If the person providing feedback cannot provide data or behavioral examples, it may be more about them than you,” says Detmer.
Shift the conversation towards solutions
Often, destructive criticism is hyper-focused on a problem. But the only way criticism is helpful is if it helps you improve and work towards a solution. So, if you find yourself getting destructive criticism, do everything you can to shift the conversation away from the problem and towards potential solutions.
“Shift the conversation towards finding solutions or improvements,” says Garcia-Balis. “Discussing how to address concerns constructively redirects the energy toward positive change, demonstrating your commitment to growth.”
Be kind to yourself
Destructive criticism can be really hurtful—but there’s no reason to let it make you feel bad about yourself.
If you find yourself on the receiving end of destructive criticism, “practice self-compassion,” says Garcia-Balis. “Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the same appreciation and understanding that you would offer to a friend.”
Remember, “destructive criticism doesn't define your worth or abilities,” says Garcia-Balis.