Considering yourself a perfectionist might sound like a good thing—after all, what’s wrong with aiming high? But when the pursuit of perfection starts to cause stress, procrastination, and self-doubt, it can become a real problem. Many people struggle with perfectionism without realizing it, and understanding what fuels it is the first step to breaking free.
There are many reasons why someone might develop perfectionist tendencies—from childhood experiences to personality traits and even mental health conditions. In this article, we’ll explore the biggest causes of perfectionism and what you can do about it.
What is perfectionism?
You’re probably familiar with the “perfectionism” definition: It’s a tendency to set excessively high standards for oneself and others. People who identify with this personality trait aim for exceptionally high, rigid, and “flawless goals” in various areas of life, including academic achievements, physical appearance, adherence to moral codes, and success in careers and finances.
How perfectionism can impact your personal and professional life
Left unchecked, perfectionism can affect multiple areas of your life, from your mental well-being to your relationships and your career. Some key ways it can show up include:
- Time management struggles: It may sound ironic, but perfectionists often struggle with procrastination. That's why people say “perfectionism is the enemy of progress.” Fear of failure can make it hard to start tasks, and an obsession with getting everything “just right” can lead to time-wasting perfectionist tendencies—like endlessly rewriting an email or tweaking a project long after it's good enough.
- Strained relationships: Perfectionist tendencies can put pressure on relationships. Constantly seeking reassurance, being overly critical (of yourself or others), or prioritizing work over loved ones can create tension with partners, friends, or family.
- Increased stress levels: Perfectionism is exhausting. The constant need to excel can lead to burnout and chronic stress. A 2020 study shows that students with high perfectionist tendencies experience significantly higher stress levels than their peers.
- Lack of sleep: If you’re lying awake at night replaying every small mistake from the day, perfectionism might be ruining your sleep. A 2024 study shows that people with perfectionist tendencies are more likely to struggle with insomnia—especially when feelings of guilt and shame are involved. The pressure to always perform at your best can make it hard to relax, leading to restless nights and exhaustion the next day.
- Physical and mental health risks: Over time, perfectionism can take a toll on both mental and physical health. Chronic stress can contribute to conditions like anxiety and depression, while neglecting self-care can lead to physical issues such as chronic fatigue.
Read this next: How to Stop Perfectionism From Running Your Life
Are perfectionists born or made?
The scientific consensus is that perfectionism is caused by a combination of genetics and environmental factors. A 2023 study shows you’re more likely to be a perfectionist if you have a perfectionist parent. Although your DNA plays a part in it, the experiences that you go through in life have the most influence on becoming a perfectionist.
What causes perfectionism? 7 common causes
So, what turns people into perfectionists? There’s no single cause of perfectionism, but several psychological, environmental, and social factors can play a role.
1. High parental expectations
Growing up in an environment where success is a primary focus can create a lot of pressure for a child. When parents set very high expectations or only offer praise when their child performs exceptionally well, it can lead to perfectionist tendencies. This might result in the child becoming an adult who feels their self-worth is solely linked to their achievements.
2. Fear of failure
A perfectionist often sees mistakes as personal failures rather than learning opportunities. This fear of failure can create anxiety, avoidance behaviors, and even procrastination—because if you don’t start, you can’t fail, right?
3. Childhood criticism or praise
If you were frequently criticized as a child, you may have developed perfectionist habits as a defense mechanism. On the flip side, even excessive praise can lead to perfectionism, as it creates pressure to always meet high expectations.
4. A need for control
For some people, perfectionism is a way to exert control over their environment. If life feels unpredictable or chaotic, setting impossibly high standards can create an illusion of stability and order.
5. Social comparison and pressure
With social media constantly showing curated versions of success, it’s easy to fall into the trap of thinking everyone else has it all figured out. The pressure to keep up can drive perfectionist tendencies, making people feel like they have to meet unrealistic expectations in their careers, relationships, or personal growth.
6. Past experiences of success
Ironically, previous success can contribute to perfectionism. If you’ve always been the “smart one” or the “talented one,” you might feel pressured to maintain that identity—leading to excessive self-criticism if you don’t meet those high standards.
7. Psychological factors and mental health conditions
Perfectionism is closely linked to certain mental health conditions. Anxiety, OCD, and ADHD are all associated with perfectionist tendencies. People with anxiety might use perfectionism as a coping mechanism, while those with OCD may struggle with intrusive thoughts about needing to do things “perfectly.” While perfectionism itself is not a mental illness, an intense fear of imperfection is known as atelophobia.
Signs of unhealthy perfectionism
Perfectionism often comes with an intense fear of failure. While wanting to do well can be a good thing, unhealthy perfectionism can make even small mistakes feel overwhelming.
Some common signs you're dealing with paralyzing perfectionism include:
- Setting impossible standards: Perfectionists tend to set unrealistically high goals for themselves—often to the point of expecting flawlessness. This can create a harmful cycle: when they inevitably fall short, their self-esteem takes a major hit.
- Being overly critical: People with perfectionistic tendencies are often their own harshest critics. They might fixate on small mistakes, replaying them in their minds, or they may have extremely high expectations of others, leading to frustration and disappointment.
- Obsessive thinking and needing reassurance: Many perfectionists dwell on past failures or worry excessively about future success. To ease their anxiety, they might constantly seek reassurance from friends, family, or colleagues. Others go to the opposite extreme and avoid any feedback for fear of hearing something negative.
- Tying self-worth to achievements: Perfectionists often rely on external validation—like grades, job performance, or compliments—to feel good about themselves. A single mistake can trigger feelings of shame, embarrassment, or even a belief that they’re fundamentally flawed or “not good enough.”
How to know what is causing your perfectionism
If you identify with perfectionist tendencies, it’s helpful to figure out what’s fueling them. Besides going straight for the big question, “Why am I a perfectionist?” ask yourself:
- Do I feel like I always have to prove my worth through achievements?
- Do I avoid starting projects out of fear that I won’t do them perfectly?
- Do I struggle with anxiety, OCD, or other mental health conditions that might contribute to my perfectionism?
- Am I afraid of making mistakes because of past criticism or high expectations?
- Do I compare myself excessively to others?
Recognizing the root of your perfectionism can help you take steps to break free from unrealistic standards and develop a healthier mindset.
How to stop being a perfectionist
If perfectionism is holding you back, you can work on shifting your mindset. Here’s how to overcome perfectionism with manageable strategies:
Challenge your perfectionist thoughts
Pay attention to the thoughts that drive your perfectionism. Are they realistic? Would you hold someone else to the same impossible standards? Learning to reframe these thoughts can help break the cycle.
Set realistic goals
Instead of aiming for perfection, try setting goals that are challenging, but achievable. Shift your mindset to understand that making progress is more important than achieving perfection.
Allow yourself to make mistakes
Mistakes aren’t failures—they’re part of the learning process. The more you practice self-compassion, the easier it becomes to accept that imperfection is normal.
Focus on effort, not just results
Instead of measuring success by the outcome, focus on the effort you put in. This can help shift your mindset from perfectionism to personal growth.
Limit social comparison
Social media can fuel perfectionist tendencies, so try to be mindful of how much time you spend comparing yourself to others. Remember, people tend to share their highlight reels—not their struggles.
Practice self-compassion
Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you’d offer a friend. Perfectionism often comes with harsh self-criticism, but learning to be gentler with yourself can make a big difference.
Seek support
Talking to a therapist or trusted friend about your perfectionism can help you gain perspective and develop healthier ways of thinking. Therapy, in particular, can be helpful for addressing the deeper psychological roots of perfectionism.
Perfectionism is the enemy of progress
Perfectionism isn’t just about wanting to do well—it’s rooted in fear, pressure, and past experiences. While it can sometimes be a motivator, it can also lead to stress and self-doubt. The key is finding balance: striving for excellence without letting the fear of imperfection hold you back. Because, let’s be real—nobody’s perfect, and that’s perfectly okay.