Mastering the power of assertiveness skills will take you places, especially in your career. Assertiveness is about confidently expressing your thoughts, needs, and boundaries while respecting the perspectives of others.
Effective communication and assertiveness reduces stress and ensures that your voice is heard. But where does assertiveness stop and aggressiveness begin? In this article we’ll define assertiveness, explore why it matters, and how you can develop it as a crucial skill at work.
Starting with the basics: Assertiveness definition
You must be able to define assertiveness in order to put it into practice. The assertiveness definition from the Cambridge English Dictionary reads: “the quality of being confident and not frightened to say what you want or believe.”
In other words, assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions, needs, and feelings in a clear and respectful way, without being passive or aggressive. It’s about standing firm on your boundaries while remaining considerate of others. In a workplace setting, this could mean negotiating deadlines, communicating expectations, or simply asking for help without feeling like you're burdening others.
Let's hear it from someone with more than 30 years of career experience: “In the workplace, assertiveness is about being clear and direct, but also respectful,” says entrepreneur Peter Shankman. “It’s not about shouting or being demanding; it’s about knowing what you need, what’s fair, and being able to communicate that in a way that others can understand and respect.”
While assertiveness can be a natural strength for some, assertiveness training can help everyone fine-tune what you already know and develop new skills catered to specific situations, like the work environment. (Assertiveness training is typically offered by counseling centers, community colleges, and professional development organizations. To find a program near you, consider contacting your local library or community center.)
Assertiveness versus aggression
People often confuse assertiveness with aggressiveness, but there’s a big difference between the two qualities. Assertiveness is about communicating with confidence and respect, while aggressiveness comes across as confrontational, forceful, or disrespectful.
Let’s look at the difference between aggressiveness vs assertiveness in action:
- Assertive approach: “I’ve been working on several major projects, and I need more time to complete this one to the best of my ability.”
- Aggressive approach: “You’re giving me too much work, there’s no way I can get this done.”
The assertive statement is calm, focused on personal needs, and solution-oriented, while the aggressive one places blame on the other person and escalates tension.
“Aggressiveness is about trying to overpower someone else or force your point across,” Shankman says. “You don’t need to dominate to be heard.” Finding this balance is crucial for maintaining good relationships at work and ensuring your points are heard without causing conflict.
The importance of being assertive at work
Assertiveness skills are vital for setting boundaries, advocating for your career growth, and managing relationships in the workplace. Without assertiveness, you might find yourself overworked, overlooked for promotions, or even taken advantage of by more dominant colleagues. Assertiveness is important not just for your own success, Shankman says, but “for the overall health of your team or company.”
Assertiveness is essential for maintaining both your professional performance and your mental well-being. Being assertive at work allows you to:
- Set clear expectations for what you can and cannot handle.
- Negotiate effectively for raises, promotions, or better working conditions.
- Create mutual respect between you and your coworkers or supervisors.
- Reduce burnout by ensuring your workload is manageable.
How to practice assertiveness in the workplace
You’ve probably mastered what assertiveness means by now; here's how to practice your assertiveness skills:
- Start small: Begin by practicing assertiveness in low-stakes situations, like choosing where to go for lunch with coworkers. This helps you get comfortable with speaking up and expressing your preferences.
- Use confident body language: Your posture, eye contact, and facial expressions can reinforce your words. Make sure your body language matches the assertiveness of your message.
- Know your worth: Assertiveness comes from knowing what you bring to the table. When you’re aware of your skills, it becomes easier to communicate your needs without feeling guilty or uncertain.
- Use “I” statements: This helps you avoid sounding accusatory. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me” say, “I feel unheard in our conversations.”
- Say no: Assertiveness often means setting boundaries. Politely declining extra work when you're overwhelmed helps maintain your workload and prevents burnout. Start practicing with small tasks that don’t fit your schedule, and gradually work up to bigger ones.
- Stay calm: Assertiveness is not just about what you say but how you say it. Keeping a steady tone and making eye contact show confidence without aggression.
- Take pauses: If you’re feeling frustrated or unsure, take a moment to gather your thoughts before responding. Pausing helps you avoid reactive or emotional responses and keeps the conversation on track. “You can still be assertive and direct, but that extra second can help you avoid sounding aggressive,” Shankman says. “If you’re in a situation where someone is pushing you, or things are getting heated, that pause can make all the difference.”
- Be direct, but respectful: Getting to the point without over-explaining or sugar-coating your message ensures clarity and saves time.
Pro tip: “What really helped me was figuring out that being assertive doesn’t mean being perfect; you’re going to mess up sometimes,” Shankman says. “I’ve certainly had moments where I was too blunt or didn’t say enough. But the key is to keep at it. You learn from those moments.”
Examples of what say for different situations
- Setting boundaries: “I’d be happy to take on that project, but I need to prioritize the deadlines for my current tasks first.”
- Asking for a raise: “Given the additional responsibilities I’ve taken on, I believe my compensation should reflect my contributions.”
- Giving constructive feedback: “I’ve noticed some areas where we could improve our process, and I’d like to discuss a few suggestions.”
- Managing workload: “I’m at capacity with my current projects and will need additional time to take this one on.”
Assertiveness can be extra challenging (and important) for POC, women and neurodivergent folks
As we discuss assertiveness skills, we want to take a moment to address that being assertive is not always easy, especially for women, people of color, and neurodivergent folks, due to societal norms, workplace expectations, and personal challenges.
For women and people of color, assertiveness often gets misinterpreted as aggressiveness. Gender stereotypes may paint assertive women as bossy or demanding, which can discourage them from speaking up. For people of color, assertiveness can often be perceived as aggression or defiance, especially in environments where they are underrepresented or marginalized.
This bias can create an internal conflict, where they feel they must tone down their assertiveness to avoid negative labels. Nevertheless, mastering the art of being assertive allows women to break through these limiting stereotypes, advocate for themselves, and take control of their careers with confidence.
For neurodivergent individuals, like those with ADHD, autism, or other cognitive differences, assertiveness can pose its own set of challenges. Social communication nuances like reading body language, tone of voice, or unspoken rules about how assertive to be in different contexts can make assertiveness feel daunting. Neurodivergent people might also worry that being assertive will make them stand out in ways that feel uncomfortable or expose them to scrutiny.
Whether it's requesting accommodations or setting clear boundaries to manage sensory overload or focus, assertiveness helps create a work environment where they can thrive. For neurodivergent people, assertiveness training that includes strategies for handling these specific challenges can make all the difference in fostering open and effective communication.
“For someone like me, with ADHD, I’ve had to learn how to advocate for myself in environments that aren’t always built with people like me in mind,” Shankman says. “Over time, I had to learn how to stand up for myself in a way that was constructive.
“If you’re neurodiverse, you’ve got to be extra clear about what works for you and what doesn’t—and that takes some real assertiveness,” he says.
By embracing assertiveness, women, people of color, and neurodivergent folks can build the confidence they need to succeed in work environments that might not always cater to their needs or perspectives.
Bottom line
Assertiveness is a skill that’s invaluable in the workplace and beyond. It helps you express your needs clearly, set boundaries, and manage stress, all while maintaining positive relationships. By practicing assertiveness, you’ll find it easier to communicate confidently and respectfully in any situation. And the best part? It’s a skill that can improve not only your career but all aspects of your life.
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