Having a hard time getting along with a certain co–worker? Not sure how to break the ice between you and a colleague? Or, are you just hoping to take your relationship with your boss to the next level—a.k.a., past awkward acquaintances?
Getting on someone’s good side—no matter who he or she may be—is just as important as sitting down every day and doing your actual job. For starters, it helps your team work better together. And the better you work together, the happier and more enjoyable your actual job can be. (See that full circle we just did there?)
All it takes is a little extra effort. Not sure how to get started? I’ve listed 11 ways below.
1. Throw Out a Compliment
You know how much it brightens your day to walk into the office and have a colleague compliment your recent presentation, or even mention how flattering your new haircut is. So it’s no surprise that your little comment could have the same positive effect.
Instead of focusing solely on your own to-do list, meetings, and stresses, recognize that everyone around you is in the same boat and could use a kind word.
Do it Today
Pick a co-worker, any co-worker, and casually toss out a compliment. Maybe she finished a project before the deadline, maybe he had a successful sale that day, or maybe her homemade lunch just looks amazing. It doesn’t have to be a significant accomplishment, just an acknowledgement.
2. Make the Conversation About the Other Person
On average, we spend 60% of conversations talking about ourselves. That’s not shocking if you really think about it. (Don’t believe it? Try counting how many times you say “I” in your next conversation and tell me I’m wrong.)
What’s my point? We love talking about ourselves, almost so much that we tend to shut everyone else out.
Knowing that, the key to getting on someone’s good side is as easy as letting someone talk about him- or herself and simply listening, rather than chiming in every other second.
Do it Today
Ask your co–workers about their lives outside the office. What do they normally do on the weekends? And—here’s the trick—actually pay attention to what they say.
3. Ask for Feedback
Nobody’s perfect. But some people certainly appear to be. So if you’re normally the employee who never asks for assistance or always seems to have everything put together, you’re probably pretty intimidating. You don’t need to play dumb, but you should show people that you’re not above making mistakes, asking for feedback, or seeking out constructive criticism.
Do it Today
Request feedback on a recent project, report, or meeting. It can be as simple as saying, “I’m looking to improve on XYZ—and I’d love your thoughts on what did I do well, as well as what I can work on in the future.”
4. Confront the Problem
Quick story: When I was in third grade, this girl used to always glare at me during class. Eventually I got the courage to ask her if I had done something to upset her. She told me that I always glared at her during class so she thought I didn’t like her either! Turns out I was partially blind and needed glasses, so whenever I tried to see across the room I had to squint, making it look like I was always a bit unhappy.
The moral of this story is that if you think there’s something between you two, confront the situation.
Do it Today
If this scenario sounds familiar, resolve it today. Shoot the person an email asking if you can talk for a few minutes. Odds are the conversation will either be, “No sorry, I have resting bitch face,” or “Actually I hate when you interrupt my meetings…” Either way, you’ll be on the way to figuring out the issue.
For more, check out “How to Disagree With a Co-Worker (and Not Want to Punch Each Other)” for ways to healthily solve a disagreement.
5. Stay Away From Gossip
People might like the Work Gossip for his entertainment value, but they certainly don’t trust him. Your co–workers will feel more comfortable approaching you if they know they can count on you not to spread rumors. And you’ll feel a lot better about yourself when people recognize you as a good friend, rather than a “good” storyteller.
Do it Today
The next time you want to send a snarky email or chat to a co-worker, stop yourself and do something else productive instead. Check Facebook, take a walk, or get up and grab a glass of water.
6. Be Thankful
This sounds silly, but often something as simple as “thank you” is all it takes to get on someone’s good side.
Why? Because we don’t really say these two words enough. We’ve become so accustomed to expecting certain things at work—someone opening the door for you, someone fixing the coffee machine, someone giving up a conference room—that we forget to be grateful for the little things.
Do it Today
Genuinely say “thank you!” to a co-worker before the day is over.
7. Be Aware of Other People’s Schedules and Habits
Everyone functions differently, so even if you think your schedule works great, it may not be ideal for everyone. Acknowledging that is the first step to becoming easier to work with.
So when you want to do things “your way” (a.k.a., only holding morning meetings because it’s when your brain is sharpest), consider putting aside your preferences and letting your colleagues have some input, too.
Do it Today
The next time someone asks to meet with you, don’t just send your availability. Also ask what works best for him or her. Novel, I know.
8. Offer to Help
Don’t you have days when you wish you had an extra pair of hands? Well, tell you what, you could be that extra set of hands to someone!
You can’t be expected to take everything off another person’s plate, but even just offering to bring lunch while he or she’s cranking out reports could make someone’s day.
Do it Today
When you have free time, don’t use it to catch up on Instagram. Instead offer up your assistance to a co-worker who looks overwhelmed.
9. Initiate an Interaction
Some employees are shy or more introverted, so they might seem like they don’t like you simply because they don’t know how to approach you. So, be the first one to initiate and get to know someone.
Do it Today
The next time you pop out of the office to grab lunch, or a coffee, invite someone you don’t often speak with to joih you.
10. Plan an Outing
The best place to actually get to know someone is usually outside the office—away from all the formality and jargon. You’ll be able to have a more casual and relaxed conversation that’ll (hopefully) lead to you bonding over something besides the new accounting strategy.
Do it Today
Shoot out an email to your team asking who’s available to grab a drink next week. Simple, right?
11. Know When It’s Time to Connect (and When It’s Not)
Sometimes people are just not in the mood to chat with you—about work-related matters or otherwise. Be aware that while your conversation may be about an upcoming project, it might not be on this person’s radar at the moment.
Do it Today
Before you interrupt someone’s work with a project status update, do a quick visual check to see if he or she seems busy, or even just in the zone. If so, refrain.