When it comes to job hunting, references play a significant role in verifying your qualifications, work ethic, and personal character. While many people often rely on former employers, coworkers, or mentors to vouch for them, sometimes those options aren’t available—or perhaps you’d prefer a more personal touch. This is where using a friend's recommendation letter for a job can come in handy.
But wait, can you use a friend as a reference? How exactly should you go about doing this? How can you ask your friend for this favor without it becoming awkward?
This article will cover everything you need to know about getting a reference letter for a job from a friend. We’ll also discuss what makes a good reference and how to ask your friend, plus provide an example to help guide you.
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Can you put friends as references for a job?
Yes, you can use a friend as a reference, but there are a few important things to consider before doing so.
Most employers prefer professional references—people who have worked with you in a professional capacity and can vouch for your work performance. That said, personal references are still valid in some cases, particularly if you’re applying for positions that emphasize character traits.
“The friend should be able to speak to your professional skills, work ethic, or relevant experience, not just your personal qualities,” says Steven Mostyn, chief human resource officer (CHRO) of Management.org. “Listing a purely personal friend who can’t vouch for your work abilities may raise concerns about the relevance of the reference.”
When to list friends as references
- You’re applying for a job that values character references. For positions like teaching, caregiving, or roles involving children, a reference who can speak to your integrity, patience, and communication skills may be valuable.
- You don’t have many professional contacts. If you’re just starting out in your career, switching industries, or re-entering the workforce, it may be acceptable to use a friend as a reference if they can provide relevant insights about your abilities.
- Your friend has seen your work in some capacity. If your friend has collaborated with you on projects, volunteered with you, or seen you demonstrate key job-related skills, they could be a credible reference.
What friend should you choose to use as a reference?
Not every friend will make a great reference. There are certain qualities to look for when choosing a friend to serve as a reference for you, like being able to present themselves in a professional manner when contacted by a potential employer. This includes having clear communication, a professional tone, and the ability to articulate why you’d be a good fit for the job.
“It is not enough to simply trust a friend’s good intentions; you must choose someone who not only understands your skills but can maintain the necessary decorum in speaking on your behalf,” says Cody Thomas Rounds, a clinical psychologist and career advisor. “Ask yourself whether this friend can navigate the dual roles of both an advocate and a truthful commentator. Are they equipped to provide a reference that is not just flattering but genuinely reflective of your capabilities?”
Ideally, your friend has observed you in a setting that relates to the job you’re applying for. Maybe they’ve witnessed your work ethic during a volunteer project or observed your leadership skills in a community organization.
Make sure your friend understands the type of job you’re applying for, so they can tailor their reference to highlight the qualities the employer is seeking and speak clearly and confidently about your abilities when asked.
How to ask a friend to be a reference
In a way, you already know how to list a friend as a professional reference: Start by asking them. If you’re nervous, we’ve got step-by-step advice on how you to do it:
- Reach out ahead of time: Don’t wait until the last minute to ask your friend to be a reference. Give them enough time to decide whether they’re comfortable with the request and to prepare.
- Be specific in your request: Let your friend know what job you’re applying for and what the potential employer might ask them. You can say something like, “I’m applying for a [job title] position, and I’d really appreciate it if you could be a reference for me. They may ask about my teamwork skills and work ethic, which I know you’ve seen firsthand during our volunteer work.”
- Offer to provide details: “Help your friend by providing them with a copy of your resume and discussing the key points you’d like them to emphasize,” Mostyn says. “This ensures they can offer a well-rounded and relevant recommendation.”
- Thank them: Being a reference can take time and effort, so make sure to thank your friend for helping you out. A sincere note or small gesture of gratitude goes a long way.
“More than these practical considerations, the impact on the friendship itself is something to weigh carefully,” Rounds says. “Asking a friend to be a reference is not without its complications. Even the most well-intentioned favor can shift the dynamics of a relationship, introducing expectations, obligations, or tensions that may not be immediately visible.”
Also, be prepared for the possibility that they may decline. “Their refusal to act as a reference does not imply a lack of support; it may reflect a realistic assessment of what they can, or should, contribute,” he says.
Tips on how to list a friend as a reference
So, how do you list a friend as a reference for a job? There are a few good practices and things to keep in mind when informing the potential employer about this choice.
Ask for permission from your friend first
Never assume that your friend is comfortable being a reference. Always ask them first before listing their name and contact information on your job application. Make sure your friend understands the job you’re applying for and which qualities the employer will likely be looking for. It can help to send them a copy of the job description or discuss which aspects of your experience you’d like them to focus on.
Label the reference as personal
When submitting your references, it’s a good idea to clarify the type of reference your friend is providing. You can label it as “Personal Reference” on your reference sheet or in your application. This helps the potential employer understand that the person might not have worked with you professionally but can still speak to your character and work ethic.
And keep it formal! When listing your friend as a reference, include their full name, job title (if relevant), and contact information. Present this information just as you would for any other reference, maintaining a professional tone throughout your application.
Wondering how to list friends as reference on resume? You could prepare a reference sheet to include with your application or have it ready to share during interviews.
Highlight your relationship's relevance
In some cases, it’s helpful to explain your relationship with the friend, especially if they’ve seen you demonstrate work-related skills outside a traditional office setting. For example, if you’ve worked together on volunteer projects or community initiatives, you can briefly mention this in the reference section of your application.
Example:
“John Doe, Personal Reference (Collaborated on multiple community fundraising events)”
Notify the potential employer upfront
If your prospective employer expects professional references, it’s a good idea to inform them upfront that one of your references is a personal one. This can prevent any confusion when they reach out and helps set the right expectations.
For example, during an interview or in a cover letter, you can mention, “While one of my references is a personal contact, they have firsthand experience working with me on projects that are highly relevant to this role.”
This explanation can make your reference more credible and relevant to the job.
Bonus tip: If possible, include a mix of professional and personal references. This can balance the potential employer’s perspective, ensuring they hear both about your professional accomplishments and personal qualities.
Coach your friend on potential questions
Even though your friend knows you well, it can help to give them an idea of the types of questions they might be asked by the employer. They could be asked about your ability to handle stress, your communication skills, or how you work in a team. Giving them a heads-up ensures they feel prepared and confident in responding.
Follow up with the employer
After submitting your friend’s reference, follow up with the employer during the interview process. You might mention how long you’ve known your friend and their insights into your abilities, reinforcing the value of their reference.
Example of a recommendation letter for a job from a friend
Below there's a template of a friend's reference letter for a job that highlights both personal character and professional skills. Make your friend's life easier by sharing this example so they know what to focus on and what you’re expecting.
[Friend’s name]
[Friend’s job title (if relevant)]
[Friend’s company (if relevant)]
[Friend’s contact information]
[Date]
To whom it may concern,
I am writing to recommend [Your name] for the [job title] position at your company. I have known [Your name] for over [number of years] years, and during that time, I’ve had the privilege of witnessing their strong work ethic, exceptional communication skills, and unwavering dedication.
One of the key qualities that sets [Your name] apart is their ability to lead and collaborate. We worked together on several volunteer projects, where [Your name] demonstrated leadership skills, organizational abilities, and a genuine commitment to helping others. These qualities, coupled with their enthusiasm for taking on new challenges, make [Your name] an ideal candidate for this role.
I have no doubt that [Your name] will be a valuable asset to your team, and I am happy to speak further about my experience working with them. Please feel free to contact me at [Friend’s contact information].
Sincerely,
[Friend’s name]
As long as your friend can vouch for your relevant qualities in a professional manner, asking a friend for a reference letter can work in your favor. By following these tips, you’ll be able to confidently list a friend as a reference—and increase your chances of landing the job.